This week we had another mile marker, another WAAAYYY out there date – Rob’s birthday – that seemed impossible back in February and March. Lucy’s birthday is this weekend, and I wondered way back then just how I would be feeling at this point in time. Will they come early and share a birthday week? Will I be miserable?
The answers are looking like no and not totally. I have this resignation that they will never be born, ever, and in fact they are just a prop in my belly, and that carrying around this belly is my new normal.
^Look at that! She switched things up with a new angle.
Perhaps this is because my OB scheduled a C-section at our last appointment (they are both breech), and she put it on October 17.
4 weeks away. The day we booked the c-section, I was totally depressed. I am ready to tap out now I thought. I’ve been ready to tap out for at least a month. I knew that going before 36 weeks meant the babies could have trouble breathing, and this of course was my doctor’s logic to waiting until after 38 weeks. But how in the world was I going to last until then?
My attitude was largely due to the fact that I was on the tail end of being really sick with the worst case of bronchitis I have ever had. With no room in my body to cough or breathe, I couldn’t sleep at all, and I lived for my breathing treatments every 4 hours. (Isn’t this post SO fun?) I actually forgot about how uncomfortable my belly was because I was so sad about how much my lungs and ribs hurt. It will just go down as the hardest week of this pregnancy.
But in the week that followed, as I started to feel better and get more sleep, my attitude improved. Where I was feeling trapped by thinking of going 4 more weeks, I started to just think of it as my countdown and just accepted it. And in that finite structure of a month, I began to get my bearings, and think about what was still possible in those weeks. Writing. Reading. Allowing myself to binge watch TV (so far, Scientology: The Aftermath and Billions have been my go-tos). Trying to take each day at a time, enjoy my kids, and let myself rest. I focused on appreciating a full night of sleep since it will be the last for a little while. I went on date nights with my husband.
Of course I could go sooner but my babies always tend to hang on to me, blowing past due dates and induction dates that were set, but couldn’t be completed because conditions weren’t ‘favorable to induce’. Not that anyone is counting but they were all born at 40W, 41.8W, 41W (with a failed induction at 40W), and 39.8W (with a successful induction). So of course it makes sense I would carry twins to 38.5 weeks. Shaving a mere 10 days off of my singleton pregnancies. (Of course it is ALL worth it for healthy babies! This fact is very clear to me, of course).
But as I quickly approach 35 weeks, and there are only 3 weeks left, I am all of a sudden…fine. I am working hard on trying to finish my next book. My bag is not packed for the hospital but the babys’ bag is ready, and our bedroom is ready for our little co-sleepers when they come home. I am not in love with the amount of doctor appointments I have especially with 2 NSTs (non-stress tests) per week. The last one I had they kept me there for THREE hours because I got Starbucks right before and apparently a Salted Carmel Latte and Croissant make these boys think they are in a mosh pit or something.
The boys moved so much they couldn’t complete measuring their heart beat for 20 minutes so I had to walk over to the birthing center for a more complete NST and when that didn’t work they sent me down to get an ultrasound with BioMarkers. (They scored an 8 out of 8, and I kind of felt like it was all a little unnecessary). But of course, hearing their heartbeats and seeing them is always awesome. I read somewhere in a twin pregnancy to let all these appointments at the end be a chance for you to bond with the babies, and it is great advice. I just hope we can bond for less then three hours next time.
So unless something amazing happens, you’ll probably see this belly reach inhuman proportions at a 36 week update. I don’t even want to think of how big I will be at 38 weeks so let’s just not talk about it.