I am writing these updates for other women who are pregnant with twins because I keep looking for them – shared experience is a powerful thing. You all have been so supportive every time I post one though, and I was honestly not expecting the outpouring of kindness, so thank you!
In trying to keep these honest, I worry that they might just sound negative, and as this pregnancy goes on I am focused on staying positive and trying to avoid the negative spiral that fatigue and pain can trigger. So I will just say this: imagine measuring full term 40 weeks (which I am), carrying babies that weigh between 4-5 lbs. (so, like a 10 lb baby) and then having 6 weeks to go.
But also: there are two healthy babies in there! Who already provide lots of entertainment to my other kids when they have a dance party after dinner. Think of two puppies in very tight bag and you get the idea. I’m trying to focus on the fact that every week is a progression towards having babies with less eating and sleeping challenges that will come home sooner rather than later after they are born. When I am really tired and don’t feel well it is so hard to remember this (basically all of yesterday), but then a good night sleep reminds me of the bigger picture. Lucky for you (and posterity) I am writing this today.
Plus, this week there has been so much news from the flooding in Houston that puts everything into perspective. I am sure there is a twin pregnancy (or singleton, or newborn or nursing baby) that has a mom who is also battling displacement, hunger, loss of property and possibly life.
In addition, in the last week, I learned of the death of a beautiful baby named Colin, who was born at 34 weeks with hydrops, an 11 year old who died in a boating accident, and a good friend shared the story of losing her baby Lily after she was born at 40 weeks. She found out at her 20 week ultrasound that she was missing the part of her brain that would regulate her breathing outside the womb. I will never take a healthy ultrasound for granted – something I already knew but just had a powerful reminder. Life is heavy sometimes, and I hope we can help others carry those parts together.
These last two weeks brought us through two of our biggest transitions – meeting our new au pair and the kids starting school. These dates loomed on the calendar and felt so far away, and now they are here. The great news is we feel like we won the au pair lottery. Louise is mature, kind, funny, grateful, and very willing to help, so I know we are going to be in good hands.
And the new school year has brought a structure that is exhausting in the beginning, but will mean everyone is settled on a solid, happy path when the babies come, and I am up all night and knee-deep in diapers and feedings. I could not be any more proud of these beautiful people.
While they are in school, I am hoping to do a lot of writing and reading, which make me forget about my fatigue and my heavy belly, or the fact that walking is difficult. I have already had a few great windows to work and it feels so good. And I am excited to dive into good books – I have been meaning to read My Brilliant Friend for a long time, so it is up on the reading stack. And I finally bought Slow Motion, Dani Shapiro’s memoir of the year after her parents car accident which killed her father and left her narcissistic mother in need of her care. And I will hopefully fill our freezer with meals for after the babies come. Let me know any good recommendations you might have on either the book or the food front!
So prayers for Houston, thanks to Louise, and yay for things like schedules, warm meals, and good books to comfort weary souls.